Tuesday, March 30, 2010

MANY PRAYERS NEEDED TODAY - PLEASE!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

My school usually blocks blogger, but God must have known how very much I needed comfort, advice, and hopefully information today. I don't even know how to start, but don't have long before 2nd period so here goes....

Dr. D called last night just as I was walking into the Seder Meal at my church with the final test result. She said that DH tested positive for the balanced chromosome translocation!!!!!!!!!!! I felt like I was shot and I literally felt the blood draining from my body. I had a panic attack and could not go to the Seder obviously. Thank goodness my friend pulled up and we sat in her car and I tried to calm down. Like I said before, once I hear bad news, I kind of tune out and so the remaining 15 minutes of the call was jumbled at best. I remember her saying that she doesn't know exactly how the chromosomes are translocated and we need to meet with a geneticist to discuss our options, something about 85% may EVENTUALLY HAVE normal births with more m/c, but 15% will continue to m/c or have non viable fetuses, two options she knows are continue to get pregnant until one is viable and will likely have more m/c or do IVF to "select" the embryos without the translocation. I am sooooooooo afraid and need help please any info will help. I am so scared too b/c of all the message boards I have joined about rpl, NONE HAVE MENTIONED HAVING THIS PROBLEM!! It is so unbelievable rare, I can't tell you! Only 3-5% of the poplulation have rpl, of that only 3% have balanced chromosome translocation, WTH?????? of that women are twice as likely to have it that men, seriously God??? Was my cross not BIG ENOUGH ALREADY!!!???

I am at a loss of words, and poor B is a basket case. He cried last night saying I am the one who has to be strong now, and if I want to try again it is my choice b/c he doesn't want to. He feel responsible for all my surgeries, the depression, losses, everything. I tried to reassure him, but he is not to be consoled right now. He feels guilty and so angry. I think I heard him sniffling/crying when he finally fell asleep. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!! I am meeting with my priest Thursday so I am hoping he'll provide some guidance and help, because I AM SO LOST. I think the odds to be struck by lightning are higher that this, seriously. Please post info on your blogs about this or a link to me, maybe there is someone you all know who blogs with this disorder who can help me understand because two weeks until the geneticist appointment, will DO ME IN. And please please please, we need your prayers more than ever. Of all the things we could have had, this is by far the absolute worst one to have, especially for a Catholic. I cannot belive this is happening.

262 comments:

  1. I have never read your blog but for some reason I came across it this morning. I am SO sorry to hear this is all happening right now.

    I promise to pray for you a LOT in the next few days and weeks, that God will show you the way through this.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Praying so hard for you and B. I am so sorry to hear this. I hope DoctorGianna can offer some advice, but I think you won’t really know what you’re dealing with until you meet with the geneticist.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so sorry. I have a friend with chromosome issues, believe it or not both SHE and her husband each have one! She ended up having alot of m/c tried IVF once (she's not Catholic) and ended up not even getting pg with ivf......she got pg naturally......and has carried to term! She is due in April. A true miracle. I just emailed her to see if her issues are anything like yours and if she'd be willing to chat with you. she dosent' have a blog.

    ReplyDelete
  4. OMGOSH!!!!! Allie, we will get to the bottom of this...I promise! I will help you in any way I can....I'm so sorry my dumb ass was not able to make it last night....

    ReplyDelete
  5. barbie PLEASE tell her to email me (alliemich@gmail.com or work email abaskin@shsm.org) I would love to hear more about her struggle and any info she could offer about it. thanks for the prayers everyone. I feel like I am on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Allie, I've never read your blog before, but I am so so sorry for your news. I will be praying for you today.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Allie, I've never read your blog before, but I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this news. The only person that I know of with this same issues is not a Catholic and did IVF with PGD, Julia http://julia.typepad.com/julia/. She has 3 children (one set of twins) from 13 pregnancies. I'll be praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have no info for you, I am not familiar with this at all. I am so very sorry.

    But I do have some advice for you. I would talk to Grace in my Heart, whose medical situation is not exactly the same as yours, BUT due to her situation, she can never have biological children. Her story inspires me every day, because I can never remember a time that I read her complaining about her cross- she is SO strong!! As you may know, she adopted her first son last year and hopes to continue to adopt so that she can have the large Catholic family she always dreamed of.

    Now, for your situation, you risk more and more losses before or if you ever conceive a healthy child. I would start Creighton charting now, and discuss with your husband in any given month if you feel comfortable trying to achieve or trying to avoid. It is 99.5% effective in avoiding pregnancy (in couples of NORMAL fertility, so probably 100% in those with subfertility!), and then if you decide anytime down the road that you do want to try to achieve you can use NaPro to optimize YOUR health and the environment in which the baby will grow. We've seen a ton of cases where the man's sperm was all sorts of problematic, but in optimizing the woman's fertility, they were able to conceive and carry healthy children. I'm not promising anything, but at least it's an option open to you.

    I'll be praying for you. Try to remember that in the end, it's about being a mother... while the dream for pregnancy is a very real one, and I don't mean to diminish that, we are all called to be MOTHERS and that honor can come in many, many ways.
    Big hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Praying for you. I know nothing about this genetic problem, but I am sure you will feel much less helpless after you talk to the geneticist. It sounds like you really need an expert to understand what this means. There is a best approach for everything, and I know they will be able to offer you something you can work on. If you can't take your husband with you to the appointment, make sure to write down every word the doctor says - I'm sure you'll be learning lots of new things! Also, I recommend asking the doctor for every piece of literature he can give. I rarely remember to do this, but usually the doctor can print you medical explanations of things, and I find it's easier to read through them slowly at home and absorb the information. You'll get through this!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I found your blog through Sew Infertile - I just wanted you to know that there is hope. A balanced translocation is actually very common, 1 in 625 people have it, and it is hereditary. My husband has this as well, we have had 5 miscarriages from it. His father has it, and they had 3 kids with no medical intervention, and his aunt has it, and she had one child with no intervention as well. So as you can see, it is just random how it affects people. You may already know that it causes miscarriage when the baby has an unbalanced set of chromosomes from your husband. I have had 2 pregnancies that were fine chromosomally, that should have been healthy pregnancies but I have my own issues (blood clotting) that caused those losses. So I truly want you to have hope and not despair. I can remember feeling like I had been hit with a truck and sobbing with my husband when we found out the news, and he still struggles with wanting to blame himself. God made each of you perfect and in His image, and you can't forget that. I haven't blogged about this but I would love to give you more information if you want it. I have done a lot of research on this issue and know quite a bit about it and would be happy to share if you want. I will be praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh, my! I am new to your blog, and I am sorry to come in at such a heart-wrenching moment. I have heard of this disorder ... but now I can't remember where. It was on some blog ...alas, I am no help. But what I can do is promise to pray for you this weekend. I will be camped out at church all weekend, and will keep you in my prayers. (and we have the same name, so I feel suddenly linked to you!)I am so sorry. I hope your husband can go to the appointment with you ... I know it must feel like that is AGES away.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I found you through Ann at Building A Nest and just wanted to offer you my support and prayers. I hope you will find comfort, hope and relief from what you learn from your doctor, other bloggers, commentors and every other place you seek help. (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  13. I just left you a message and I sent you her email, she'd love to talk to you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi Allie, I broke my blog fast to get on and read this. I'm so sorry, but I don't know anything about this either. I really like the advice from TCIE though-making YOUR body the absolute best it can be will definitely be worthwhile. My NaPro doctor is just an hour away from you in Jackson and I can't speak hightly enough of him. I will be praying, praying, praying for you! That is a promise. I'm only three hours south of you (Sew told me). I know we don't know each other yet, but if you EVER want to get together-maybe the three of us can meet in the middle.

    Email me if you want more info on my doctor-k.alfermann@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Allie - prayers, prayers, and more prayers coming your way. We will be there for you each step of the way!!!!!! Sacred Heart of Jesus, pray for us!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm so sorry! I will keep you in my prayers as you and your husband try to make sense of the test results. Just remember that doctors are doctors and not God. They cannot say absolutely that you will never conceive a healthy baby and carry him/her to birth. Again, you will be in my prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I remember those days when we would get bad news and I would be sitting the house crying when DH got home.

    Just to give you some hope, my DH has some bad male IF issues and we were able to conceive. There is hope. Research and find an expert in what you need help with, that was what made the biggest difference for us.

    Also, the CM really filters all the bad sperm out and lets the healthy ones to the egg. God made us that way!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Someone already linked to Julia's blog, but here's a specific post where she explains what a balanced translocation is. Praying for your family. http://julia.typepad.com/julia/2005/05/balanced_transl.html

    ReplyDelete
  19. As with everyone else, I am lifting you up in prayer.

    ReplyDelete
  20. you and your dh have been in my prayers all day... we are all here for you!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am so sorry you and your dh are facing this struggle. I hope God will lead you to the answers you need - hugs and prayers ... Andie

    ReplyDelete
  22. Many, many prayers are with you as you navigate this heavy cross. I know there is hope, though, in reading these comments. Cling to the hope and trust that your future may indeed include a baby in your arms!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Lots of prayers going out to you. Though it is always hard to hear a dx (particularly one that appears hopeless on the surface), a dx is a big step in finding the right treatment. I am hopeful that there is a treatment out there that is moral. I saw that you (pretty sure) posted on catholic IF yahoo health group and actually got two emails from jennifer of folks dealing with the same thing. So glad someone was able to come through for you so that you could talk to Catholics dealing with the same thing-and both were moms!!! Again, prayers and hugs going out to you, and especially your dear husband, who is experiencing what most females go through when the dx start rolling in and find themselves feeling to blame. Big hugs to him for his big heart. You two will get through this and be so much stronger for it! He sounds like a sweet man.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hi my name is Cora. I'm a nurse at an RE office. We aren't strictly low-end (kind of like Napro) but we do alot of it. We have several patients with balanced translocations. I would be glad to try and answer any questions for you. I don't have a blog(yet;)) but my email address is chicagorules@live.com I myself am Catholic so I'm knowledgable on that end as well. I'll be praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Although I don't have any experience with translocation, I have a lot of experience with going through 3 miscarriages all the while trying to keep the faith and trust in the plan of our Heavenly Father. I actually just learned of my 3rd miscarriage today and in my grieving, feeling powerless, turned to the internet to see what I can find, figure out, you name it. I came across your blog and just wanted to send encouragement from someone who can relate. I pray that we both can look back on this month a year from now in a very different place. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hi - here are some blogs I read, hopefully you will get some answers or at least some comfort:

    http://shiftyshadow.blogspot.com/

    http://thejohnsonest52905.blogspot.com/

    http://dreamsandfalsealarms.typepad.com/my_weblog/

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hi my husband and I are a couple that is dealing with chromosome issues for fertility. As we don't have a trans-location my husband has an extra tail on his Y22 http://www.timothyandsarah.com/2009/09/no-worries-for-worries.html
    I can understand feeling like this is the worst. I would for sure see a genetic counsler and just get as many answers as you can because Google can be your worst enemy. We did IVF with ISCI 8 weeks ago and I am 9w5d pregnant. We went against Pre-Implantation Genetic Diagnosis as we wanted our first IVF in gods hands. I know only being under 10 weeks doesn't make me out of the woods and I have worry every day. I hope you can find the answers to help you with TTC. If you have any questions or just want to talk you can email me sarahsmith51@gmail.com
    P.S. I came across your blog from Sew's

    ReplyDelete
  28. I am so sorry for this news. I can imagine you are scared and confused right now. I'm sorry I have not experience or advice to offer, but thinking of you as your process this news. I am sure you are in good hands and this information will help your doctor come up with the very best plan for you.

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