This may be a long post, I have so much to relate as I haven't really posted in awhile and we have had a busy week!
Monday we had such great news from the geneticist, read the last post for info. We really were so surprised and blown away, sometimes I guess it really is ok to expect the worst because it is SUCH a great feeling when you are surprised with good news for a change!
Tuesday I had a hair appointment and I absolutely love my hairdresser, she is so sweet, kind, Christian, good woman and so precious. She knows all about our m/c except the last one. I was actually pregnant the last time I was there, but only 6 weeks and already bleeding so I didn't tell many people. (Which by the way, why do we do that?? I mean in my case, anyway, they are going to know by my actions and sadness when it happens anyway?? Next time - provided there is a next time -I am just telling right away, more people knowing, more prayers). So she calls me back and when she turns me around in the chair she is all nervous like and teary and says "I am so nervous, I don't know how to tell you this." and I realize she is pregnant. LIke really really due in a few weeks type pregnant. I was like "oh my goodness how wonderful for you!" Bless her heart, she was so nervous to tell me, turns out both the past two times I was there she was pregnant, which shows me how self consumed I have been that I didn't even notice :( (in my defense she is absoultely tiny and looks about 6 months even though she is almost 9 so maybe I am not too self absorbed?) DH picked me up and we headed to the adoption meeting. It was with Bethany Christian Services - does anyone know much about this agency or know of another they suggest to check into? HOW OVERWHELMING!!!! We were there almost 3 hours and I felt like a sponge, absorbing every little word. We only were wanting to stay for international, but became really engrossed in domestic adoption as well. I know some may not agree with me on this, I just think domestic would be much harder. This agency encourages open adoptions with birth parents being invited birthdays, CHRISTmas celebrations, school events, etc. Call me selfish, but I don't want to share my baby with the birth mother that much. I asked DH if any part of it touched his heart more than another, and he said not really, maybe thought the domestic adoption did. I felt the same way - teary through the whole domestic part of the meeting as well as Columbia, China, Phillipines, and Ethiopia. It is just so overwhelming financially, in terms of time and length to get the child, and in terms of possibly getting a toddler or school age child. Almost all the countries have such a long wait and some (like Columbia) require almost 8 week stay before bringing the child home, we can't affort that? heck I may be fired for missing 2 months! (not really just saying) and then we could get a child anywhere from 1-5 years old. Of course we want a baby! not a toddler who would have major separation anxiety, though if we did choose Columbia, at least I know Spanish and could communicate with a toddler better.... aye ya ya...
Wednesday I had an hsg test to check for fibroid regrowth, adhesions, and Ashermans syndrome. The u/s tech and my RE nurse were there and it was quite painful. They inserted a speculum, then a catheter full of water to blow up my uterus to take pictures. The tech said I had "beautiful fallopian tubes" but there was some area that looked a little off and that it probably was nothing, but Dr. D would call me if she thought something wasn't right. So of course she called me yesterday with some possibly bad, but possibly promising news.
Thursday was glorious - no meetings, no appts, just walking the dogs on a beautiful afternoon then dinner at our friends house which was delicious!
Friday I went to my mother's house to try to explain to her about Blake's chromosome issue and tell her all about the adoption meeting. I talk to her every morning on the way to school and most nights too, but she wanted to sit down and hash it all out. She also still has not blown up and framed out wedding picture so I had to bring the album to her but I think she will do the same one I did which shows the beautiful stained glass of our church.
Dr. D calls and says, "Mrs. B, I am so sorry I feel like I only call with bad news". I was like great. What now? She said 1/2 of my uterus is either scar tissue (aka Ashermans Syndrome from a D/C) or possibly leftover "products of conception" - I HATE THAT TERM!!! I have to have a hysteroscopy the remove the scar tissue or possible left over parts of our baby. I said honestly, what's another surgery? Hell, I've already had a million I feel like in this short year and half. Thank GOD we have great insurance, although they probably want to cancel me. Not to mention I have no sick days left so now will start getting docked pay. So I'll get a call next week to schedule yet another "procedure" but the possible good news in all of this is that maybe this scar tissue is leftover over from a previous d/c and what caused the other 2 pregnancies to not last. That is the only thing that keeps me going is that hope! After this and my progesterone test a week from this Monday, we will be tested out and possibly with no known reasons. We may be one of those 50% of couples who never really find out why they have rpl. Great.