Today is the day DH and I should be rejoicing in the hospital holding our bundle of joy. This was the pregnancy that lasted the longest and the most painful to lose. I have thought all day long about her especially during the Mary Crowning this morning with my school, and afterwards with my favorite class KB. There is the most adorable Chinese girl who is adopted by CHinese parents and she is the smartest sweetest thing, and I have gotten so much closer to her since contemplating adoption. I am crazy about her and look forward to hearing her EVERY SINGLE MORNING greeting me in the hallway on the way to my room, "Buenos dias Senora Baskin, como esta usted?" I answer, "Muy bien, gracias y tu? Como estas?" and she says back, "Muy bien gracias, y usted?" God love them. She doesn't realize she already asked me how I was and asks again. Ugh why does China have a 6 year wait. It makes my want to cry. Then another student was talking to another and I heard him say, "Duh she is too a mom, see she has a wedding ring!" I had to walk away and hold back tears. This is also the first year I haven't done something with my religion class for them to make for the mothers for Mother's Day. I tried to muster up some ideas and just couldn't.
So tomorrow morning at 9 I will have the hysteroscopy. I called my RE today to let her know I started today (if you can call dark spotting off and on all day) and if that is okay for the procedure. She said well she is doing a D/C so that doesn't matter. I was like what??!! A D/C??!! She said that she will more than likely do that once they get in with a camera to see what damage is there. She is pretty sure that there is also some "products of conception" (UGH that term....) At least I had a little, I was starting to really freak out that I had Asherman's so bad that my uterus was adhered together and nothing could come out, but luckily today I had a small respite.
So ladies, please offer up a small prayer for me manana, not only that the procedure goes smoothly, but that maybe this will be the fix I need to carry our next baby healthily.