Friday, August 20, 2010

A hopeful new start begins with a pilgrimage....

I have not been on the blogs much lately, I have been busy with school starting back, but also I just needed a break from thinking, reading, writing fertility or lack there of. I have to remember some really good advice an email friend gave me after our 3rd loss, "you are not defined by the ability to mother a child, you are more than that, don't let the struggle to have children dominate your life to where you have nothing left but that, take care and enjoy all aspects of your life." So I am once again...trying...to do just that.

My dear priest who was transferred to another parish in Memphis is the spiritual director of a pilgrimage in October. I wanted to go desperately, especially when I found out my good friend was going, but I couldn't justify the cost, time off of work, time off of ttc or keep a pregnancy, and time away from my husband. (dh attends mass with me weekly, but is not Catholic, rarely flies, and could not take the time off work). After this last miscarriage I thought about it again and again, but thought no because the required 2 months of normal cycles after a m/c will be over then and we can try again. I felt like God kept leading me to this trip and I could not push the idea away.

Just for the heck of it, I asked my principal what she thought of me missing 7 out of our alloted 10 sick/personal days to go on a pilgrimage. Without a drop of hesitation, she said to go. My mother said she would pay for 1/3 of the trip (the plane tickets) and still I was back pedalling and could not make up my mind. I asked for God to give me a clear sign if I was to go on this trip. Well I got that sign. At all school mass this Wednesday - the same day I prayed for a sign - the homily was about the parable of the pearl of great price. If there is something good and holy in your life, we should do anything in our power to get it and maintain it. Then the communion song was written by "bernadette" something. I was like, okay Lord, you've got me!

So October 9-19 we are headed to Fatima, Portugal. Then we travel through Spain to see Theresa of Avila's hometown, St. Ignatius of Loyola's town, the town of the first Eucharistic Miracle at St. Stephens church and on to Lourdes, France. I am so excited about this opportunity and glad I have something else to concentrate on besides sadness, disappointment, and what is wrong with my body. I cannot wait.

I had to go to my RE's office for a final hcg check to make sure it zeroed out and I asked for a referral to Dr. Kwak Kim's office and my medical records. I had faxed the form earlier. The nurse asked if I would please see the other doctor in the clinic who is the specialist in RPL before I went to Chicago. I got in with him 3 days later and we talked for over 3 hours. He was brash and a little harsh at times, but he is insanely knowledgeable and has his PhD in reproductive immunology. He tested me for a few more things: prolactic, tsh (not sure really what this is besides what I have googled) prenatal screen and chlamydia. I go back on CD3 for LH, AMH, and ovarian reserve test as well as another hysterosonagram a few days after that. I told him to treat me like his daughter. What would you tell her? What advice would you give her? He did say that he would not prescribe me a blood thinner even though I have 2 copies of MTHFR, both a and c hetero. I thought this whole time I only had a! I know Kwak Kim would give me that dang lovenox or heparin... But for insurance reasons, and convience (since this trip came up) I am going to put the Kwak Kim deal on hold. Maybe - I pray to God - this new RE can find a problem, and by damn, can fix it.

12 comments:

  1. Allison I am so happy that you are going to make the trip! I think that it will be an experience that God is wanting for you! Also, I am happy to see that your RE sent you to someone who can try to figure this out! I pray that both new developments help you get to that sweet little bundle you have been praying for! I can't wait to hear about the trip when you get back!

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  2. Allie - I am so excited for you and this pilgrimage. I have been thinking about it lately and how much I so very much want to go too! Well, I mean I can't, but please know that I will be living vicariously through you and I will be praying for you big time while you are over there. Miracles will abound, I have lots of hope! St. Bernadette, pray for us! Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us!

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  3. That trip sounds amazing! It will be the trip of a lifetime!

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  4. So happy for you to be able to go on this amazing pilgrimage!!! And, I am praying that the RE or Dr. K-K will find some answers for you....

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  5. WOW, your trip sounds like a dream come true! Pack me in your suitcase please! :)

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  6. That pilgrimage sounds amazing! What a blessing that you will be able to go!

    I hope the local RI can help, but at least you have Dr. K-K as a backup. I hope they get you some answers soon.

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  7. The pilgrimage sounds incredible!! How lucky that your principal told you to go!!!

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  8. WOW!!!! What a fabulous trip!!! THat sounds wonderful- and all the confirmation that you should go- wow for that, too!

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  9. Oh my gosh, I can't wait to hear what you get out of this trip! It is going to be such a wonderful experience. And, I'm so proud of you for continuing on. I know you struggle with this battle but stay strong and know that the Lord is so proud of you for trying to stay strong and continuing to live life like he wants you to!

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  10. I'm so jealous of your trip! But I'm so glad you are getting the opportunity to go! I know you will have a wonderful time! ;)

    I'm hoping the RE can fix you up too! ;)

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