Saturday, November 27, 2010

CD1 among other things.

Today is CD1 which means I have little time left before ttc overwhelms me again. My RE said we could try again after one cycle after this last hysteroscopy. I am nervous, but have faith. This will be the first month ttc after my cleansing trip to Lourdes and Fatima. Our Lady is going to protect our next little one, I just know it. JBTC sent me a beautiful St. Andrews novena rosary and the very next day a co-worker (who suffered with RPL) gave me the St. Andrew novena prayer saying that the two times she conceived in December saying the novena gave her 2 healthy girls. I feel strangely calm about it this time. We have too many people praying for us!

One of the Sisters fo the Missionaries of Charity called me while I was on my pilgrimage and left a message about a doctor in Georgia for me to contact. This doctor helped another volunteer of theirs in Atlanta with her IF and also RPL and Sister thought she might be able to help me too. I googled her name and found stellar reviews (excepting one who complained that she wouldn't give her the pill ). I am not sure if she is Napro, but she is a Catholic pro life obgyn.

I wrote a lengthy, descriptive letter about our past almost 2 years of pregnancies and miscarriages, tests and surgeries, and asked if she could help me or if she thought I was doing all that I could do. She called me Wednesday and we talked for a good while. She said she thought I was in great hands and have done everything that should be done. She said the only thing she would do differently is to have my anti-thyroid antibodies checked and maybe a round of doxycycline in December before ttc again but I had antibiotics pumped through the iv during my last hysteroscopy so that it was not needed. I called my RE about the anti-thyroid test and the nurse said I didn't need that test because all my thyroid tests were normal. ???

Thanksgiving was a day of gluttony, pure and simple. It was such a wonderful day of family and food. We went to mass then had lunch at my inlaws around noon. We then ate again with my family around 6. So....2 full meals, and I mean full, and I had leftovers last night after shopping from 7 am to 8 pm - I was EXHAUSTED, but got all gifts save a couple of people so it was worth it to be able to relax the rest of the holiday season!

Last Thanksgiving was so hard, I remember (ashamedly) taking Loritab leftover from my DC a couple weeks before to make it throught the day of seeing all my tiny neices and nephews. I spent the better part of that day on the couch reading blogs and researching probability of pregnancy after miscarriage on my phone. This year was much better. There was only one low moment after dinner when my SILs were both discussing how there were not ready to to have other children yet, they were avoiding it for now, and how there was a limited window of time left to have them. I am 3 years older than one of them and DESPERATELY trying to not avoid having a baby so this discussion was upsetting so I left to start the dishes....

DH has gone to the deer camp for the rest of the weekend :( but he is so very excited which makes me so excited for him. When I came home last night, the house was beautifully lit up with lights, garland, and the Christmas decorations out of the attic. I have a busy day ahead of me but looking forward to it too. We will be getting our tree Sunday afternoon and I can't wait to have the smell of evergreen wafting through our home for the next few weeks. Pure bliss....

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Post-Op appointment and Patron Saints

Yesterday was my post-op appointment after the hysteroscopy last Thursday. I have felt a little different this time than the hst in May. I have had more cramping especially when exercising, but then realized I am CD 15 and probably was having ovulation cramps. I had a long day at school and Blake was going out of town for the weekend to set up his hunt camp for the weekend, so I was just kinda grumpy.

I hate post-ops. I always see a resident who makes me feel even older than I already feel. Today was no exception, thought thankfully it was a young male rather than a pregnant woman like I had in May- that really bottomed me out. As he "tried" to answer my questions, I felt the all too familiar lump in my throat and tears starting to well up. He asked if he could answer any questions for me to which I promptly responded, "yeah, tell me why I can't carry our babies." He said unfortunately over half of women with RPL never find a single reason that can be treated but that rather it is a combination of several factors. A woman's body and reproductive system is like 20 cooks inside trying to make the same recipe. If one thing is off, the recipe is doomed. I have several factors (age, I smoked for years, my DH pericentric inversion-though he said that was not to blame, I have read studies online from India and Iraq that differs- my fibroids and polyps, MTHFR, previous heavy caffiene intake, and more) that could be contributing to my losses, not just one that can be treated with medication or surgery. I had the polyp removed and it was not cancerous, so we are ready to go again in December after another cycle in a couple of weeks.

I thought back to to the article from "CONCEIVE" magazine I had read while waiting for him. "A woman's fertility starts to decline at 30 and immediatley slopes at 35. I will be 36 in February.....

(For those who have or are suffering with RPL, I have found a new blog that I can really relate to and am finding some fellow sufferers of this cross: http://

I was so excited for the patron saint draw. I was hoping with all my heart I would get Blessed Mother Teresa or Blessed Jacinta Marto since I feel such a connection to them already, but I recieved Blessed Stanislaus Papczynski. I googled him and he is the founder of the Marians of the Immaculate Conception, how appropriate for me after my recent pilrimage to Lourdes and new devotion to Our Lady! I read a little about him and then read this from a google search:

It was March 18, 2002. I was in my 20th week of pregnancy with my son Michael when a specialist told me, following an ultrasound, that my baby would not survive. He would most likely die in utero. A Doppler flow study showed gaps in the blood flow through the umbilical cord, and the doctor said that the condition was "non-reversible."

I was devastated. Along with seeking a second medical opinion, I called my mother in Baltimore, Md. She faxed my husband and me a prayer to Fr. Stanislaus Papczynski. My mother told me, "I'm going to start to say this prayer for the baby. I'll pray that there will be no gaps in the blood flow."

Well, on a visit to the second specialist, we learned there were no gaps in the blood flow! The night before that visit, as I looked toward the bedroom door, I saw a slender man in a white robe with one hand held up. The figure moved toward the door and vanished. Nothing like this had ever happened to me. I know it wasn't a dream. Father Stanislaus seemed to be reassuring me, "Everything is going to be fine."

And it was and is fine. Michael was born on June 17, 2002, at 32 weeks. He is now a perfectly normal little boy who has just started kindergarten.

This is why I am so happy to hear of the beatification of Blessed Stanislaus.

The following is the Prayer through the Intercession of Bl. Stanislaus Papczynski:

Our Lord and God, in consideration of Your Servant, Blessed Stanislaus, who, in spite of many obstacles, trusting in the help of Your Providence, faithfully followed in the footsteps of Jesus Christ, and of His Mother Mary, Conceived Immaculate, grant us this grace that we may be marked by an unwavering trust in Your omnipotence, goodness, and faithfulness, especially when You lead us upon a thorny road towards the glorious promises of Your love. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Blessed Stanislaus, hear my prayer.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Having my 5th surgery in 2 years today

I am getting ready for another surgery this morning. Please offer any prayers you can at 7 am this morning. I am having another hysteroscopy with my new RE who found what he thinks is a polyp or part of our last baby. He said the surgery was totally up to me and likened my uterus to the parable of seeds sown. Without the surgery, our next embryo would be like a seed thrown on rocky soil. After the surgery our embryo would be like implanting in lush fertilized soil.

I have met my deductibles and the surgery would be free. I already have issues keeping pregnancies so why not have it? I just can't believe it is the 5th one. My poor body. St Sophie pray this does the trick.