Yesterday was my post-op appointment after the hysteroscopy last Thursday. I have felt a little different this time than the hst in May. I have had more cramping especially when exercising, but then realized I am CD 15 and probably was having ovulation cramps. I had a long day at school and Blake was going out of town for the weekend to set up his hunt camp for the weekend, so I was just kinda grumpy.
I hate post-ops. I always see a resident who makes me feel even older than I already feel. Today was no exception, thought thankfully it was a young male rather than a pregnant woman like I had in May- that really bottomed me out. As he "tried" to answer my questions, I felt the all too familiar lump in my throat and tears starting to well up. He asked if he could answer any questions for me to which I promptly responded, "yeah, tell me why I can't carry our babies." He said unfortunately over half of women with RPL never find a single reason that can be treated but that rather it is a combination of several factors. A woman's body and reproductive system is like 20 cooks inside trying to make the same recipe. If one thing is off, the recipe is doomed. I have several factors (age, I smoked for years, my DH pericentric inversion-though he said that was not to blame, I have read studies online from India and Iraq that differs- my fibroids and polyps, MTHFR, previous heavy caffiene intake, and more) that could be contributing to my losses, not just one that can be treated with medication or surgery. I had the polyp removed and it was not cancerous, so we are ready to go again in December after another cycle in a couple of weeks.
I thought back to to the article from "CONCEIVE" magazine I had read while waiting for him. "A woman's fertility starts to decline at 30 and immediatley slopes at 35. I will be 36 in February.....
(For those who have or are suffering with RPL, I have found a new blog that I can really relate to and am finding some fellow sufferers of this cross: http://http://www.butterflymommies.blogspot.com/
I was so excited for the patron saint draw. I was hoping with all my heart I would get Blessed Mother Teresa or Blessed Jacinta Marto since I feel such a connection to them already, but I recieved Blessed Stanislaus Papczynski. I googled him and he is the founder of the Marians of the Immaculate Conception, how appropriate for me after my recent pilrimage to Lourdes and new devotion to Our Lady! I read a little about him and then read this from a google search:
It was March 18, 2002. I was in my 20th week of pregnancy with my son Michael when a specialist told me, following an ultrasound, that my baby would not survive. He would most likely die in utero. A Doppler flow study showed gaps in the blood flow through the umbilical cord, and the doctor said that the condition was "non-reversible."
I was devastated. Along with seeking a second medical opinion, I called my mother in Baltimore, Md. She faxed my husband and me a prayer to Fr. Stanislaus Papczynski. My mother told me, "I'm going to start to say this prayer for the baby. I'll pray that there will be no gaps in the blood flow."
Well, on a visit to the second specialist, we learned there were no gaps in the blood flow! The night before that visit, as I looked toward the bedroom door, I saw a slender man in a white robe with one hand held up. The figure moved toward the door and vanished. Nothing like this had ever happened to me. I know it wasn't a dream. Father Stanislaus seemed to be reassuring me, "Everything is going to be fine."
And it was and is fine. Michael was born on June 17, 2002, at 32 weeks. He is now a perfectly normal little boy who has just started kindergarten.
This is why I am so happy to hear of the beatification of Blessed Stanislaus.
The following is the Prayer through the Intercession of Bl. Stanislaus Papczynski:
Our Lord and God, in consideration of Your Servant, Blessed Stanislaus, who, in spite of many obstacles, trusting in the help of Your Providence, faithfully followed in the footsteps of Jesus Christ, and of His Mother Mary, Conceived Immaculate, grant us this grace that we may be marked by an unwavering trust in Your omnipotence, goodness, and faithfulness, especially when You lead us upon a thorny road towards the glorious promises of Your love. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Blessed Stanislaus, hear my prayer.