Sunday, January 30, 2011

Social Worker Appointment

So.......we met with the social worker last week and she gave us some good suggestions and advice. She asked when the last miscarraige was and I told her August - she said, " we needed to wait a little longer before we start applying because we are probably not emotionally ready, the last loss has been too recent. We also need to start start saving and really be emotionally ready. Adoption chooses you, not the the other way around. It is hard to mix a baby hungry IFer or RPLer with tunnel vision for a baby with a scared-to-death-trying-to-make-an-unselfish-decision mother with a good outcome. We need to be completely ready so we can make the connection with a birth mother and not have such a sense of urgency that we end up scaring her more".

She suggested several books for us to read and to make an appointment with a local adoption lawyer that she knows to be a good Christian man and lawyer. We are going this Thursday at 4 for a free consultation at his office and she said he will give us even more advice and help. She wants us to come back in a month when we have sorted through all the information and make some solid decisions, so that is where we are at this point. Researching, planning, talking, and praying.

The cost can be lower with private, and the wait time shorter, but there can be more risks. I still can't believe it costs that much, but in the end, it could cost one million and it would be worth that one healthy baby!

Most of the adoption agencies are run by religious groups and they place babies with couple from thier own denominations first. There are 5 major agencies around us and they are supported by Church of Christ, Methodist, Evangelicals, Jewish, and of course, Catholic Charities. Sadly, Catholic Charities only placed 1 child last year :( I found a Catholic agency up north in St. Paul, Minnesota JBTC, do you know of Holy Family Adoptions? I emailed them and they haven't written back and thier website is vague at best. Another agency the social worker gave them thumbs up on is Abrazo in San Antonio, TX.In order to apply you must have documented infertility from your doctor, and I am calling the office tomorrow to ask him to write me a letter stating our problems.

So here's to Thursday and hopefully some more good information!

Any advice on other agencies to try? We have researched Gladney, Bethany, Abrazo, and a few international agencies. Thanks to all of you who have advised already (Ann, Barbie, and Lauren :)


  1. We're on the east coast and would probably try to go through Catholic Charities. But we haven't done too much research mainly because of financial restraints. Wish I had more advice! Will be praying for you!

  2. I'm so excited for you! I'm sure it's overwhelming-but exciting at the same time. Can you get a letter like that from a different doctor? Maybe just a family practice doc? Maybe you could go in for an appointment, explain your history, and just tell him you need a letter. Doesn't seem like he'd have anything to lose.

  3. Oh my gosh, I am praying so hard for you, Allie!!!

  4. It sounds like you have an amazing social worker! Praying that all the "little" details get worked out and God gives you discernment and direction.

  5. Oh Allie, it just sounds like things are moving right along! I can't believe that Catholic Charities has so little adoptions...that's crazy. I heard today in mass that ours here in town only has 6-12 a year. Wow! I am praying for you friend. Have I ever told you that I admire your strength?? I really do:)

  6. Hi DH and I are looking into adoption as well and I am wishing you all the best. How much longer are they saying "you must wait"? I hope not that long.
    Praying for you~

  7. I have mixed feelings about what your social worker told you. To be honest, I'm not sure when anyone is "emotionally ready" for adoption and when is anyone "completely ready" or completely healed from their IF/miscarriages? I know it's complicated - and it's true that you should be in as healthy a place as possible. But I distinctly remember the SW at one of our adoption information meetings saying that you don't have to be over your IF before you start trying to adopt and that meant a lot to me.

    Anyways, I will keep praying that the right doors are opened for you. I remember being completely overwhelmed by deciding which agency/lawyer to pursue... and somehow, through prayer, it all worked out. I truly believe that the Lord led us on the right path without us even knowing it.

    Have you checked out American Adoptions? ( All I know is that they are very expensive, but they are a HUGE agency that covers the entire country.

    Sending prayers your way.

  8. How exciting! I've had a friend use American Adoptions 3x's and loved them. We might look into them for next time. :) I'll be praying for you guys!

  9. I am so glad that you found the meeting beneficial. I was going to tell you I saw some foundation on line a while back that you can apply for grants to help cover the cost. And get this, they accept all applications as long as you aren't doing anything infertility wise. Now of course I didn't read any further because we were at the time doing drugs, shots, ultrasounds, etc. But maybe that could help out.

    I am praying that you don't even have to go through all this, but know that if you are supposed to go down this road that we will all be there for you and pray that it is a positive rewarding experience!

  10. Hi Allie! I have a couple of thoughts...

    1) I see your SW's a degree...but I feel really uncomfortable with what she told you. What does she consider a "reasonable" amount of time to grieve a pregnancy loss(es)? She's right about adoption choosing you...yadda, yadda, yadda, but what if, God-forbid, it were to happen to you again? Do you just keep "waiting it out" indefinitely? I hope to God that you never, ever have to endure another loss and I am so sorry for those children you've lost to miscarriage already. But at what point can you argue that adoption *is* calling you with each pregnancy loss?

    2) Run...don't walk...away from Holy Family Adoption Agency. A close friend of mine was involved with them just 2 weeks ago and was yanked around by them and in the end, they slammed the door in her face. Unprofessional is a kind way to describe that agency.

    As to other agencies, I'm guessing by now you have determined that you hope for/desire a domestic newborn adoption? If so, I have heard good things about Abrazo, American Adoptions and some mixed reviews of Adoption Network Law Center.

    I strongly advise/suggest that you attend as many info meetings that you can for agencies local to you. These meetings are usually held monthly and are geared toward giving you a 30,000ft view of what a given program looks like. You might just find your heart being tugged in a direction you otherwise wouldn't have considered. I speak from experience here. :)

    3) Re: the IF-diagnosis, that's really frustrating. I wonder if you spoke to someone at Abrazo and explained the RPL, if they'd make an exception. They might even have a policy for RPL. Otherwise, I think I'd be tempted to shop around for a doctor who would be willing to sign that letter. RPL is so closely linked to IF (your arms are still empty) seems like it should be a no-brainer.

    Prayers for you now as you wade through all the information out there!

  11. Wow, sounds like some sage advice from the social worker. Good luck navigating all this!

  12. Allie, I love the header picture on your blog. Perfect. Gorgeous. Thanks for visiting and commenting! As you know we got lucky (and blessed!) with private adoption. I wouldn't exactly reccommend it, but I strongly believe if the right private situation comes along it will all fall into place.

  13. My niece has adopted 2 children from Ethiopia thru Layla House &, years ago, we came very close to adopting thru Holt International but it sounds like you're not thinking of international. I guess you must've s/w Vicki H at Birthright? They used to have a list of private adoption attorneys locally. I know Cath Charities has never really been much of an option here unfortunately. Sigh.
    Still praying!