Saturday, April 9, 2011

updated :) Prayers please for my anxiety

All was well yesterday, thank you all IMMENSELY for your prayers, kind words, and support. Heartbeat fluctuations are completely normal she said - yesterday it was 175 at 11.2 weeks - and I promised her I would quit consulting google and just call the office when I am anxious and worried. Also normal is symptoms to lessen at this time. We go again Monday and after that it will be every two weeks. Thank you all so much for your prayers!!

First of all, I am so very grateful for this pregnancy and the successful progress God has afforded us this far. I have tried not to "Dr Google" as much this time and fully trust in God. I repeat the mantra, Jesus I trust in You. Jesus I trust in You. Jesus I trust in You. BUT...anxiety still gets me going every day, it creeps up and before I know it, I am sweating, heart beating faster, lose my train of thought while teaching.

I just read Sew's post and commented that everyone's body is different. I keep trying to remember that everyone's pregnancy is different too, but I find myself googling anyway and read some things that calm me down, then another that raises my blood pressure again.

Pregnancy symptoms at this week and I have not much in common, and that scares me to death, but I try to remember every pregnancy is different.

At about 10 weeks I had about 3 days where I felt sicker than I have ever felt, laid up in the bed sick, could barely work sick, but I felt so secure in my pregnancy so I was happy. Since last Saturday I have had minutes or maybe even an hour or two of nausea but it gets less and less with each day. I still can't eat certain foods (last night I had to eat boiled shrimp and baked potato though everyone else ordered fried platters and crawfish dips), and I can't eat as much as I used to eat especially at dinner where I used to gorge myself.

I am contantly pressing on my boobs to see if any tenderness has returned, they are only slightly sore now. Last week I had to hold my arms over my breasts one day because the shower water felt like needles stabbing them, and the towel had to be gently patted on them when I got out of the tub. I don't see any real increase in size since a few weeks ago either.

I am sooooooo energetic by nature, like the energizer bunny really, so fatigue hasn't really been an issue for me like it is for most people.

My clothes are a little tight, but I have only gained about a pound and that could be water weight. I am 11 weeks today. Shouldn't there be a pooch?

I haven't been constipated really and have had slight cramping this week.

I didn't post this on my last update because I was scared to voice my concern, like maybe if I didn't write or talk about it, it would go away....but our last appointment which was not quite a week after our last appt with our RE showed a heartrate of 148 or 142, I can't remember which. The last RE appt showed a hr of 175. That is one heck of a drop, huh?? I know it peaks around 9 weeks and then starts to gradually decrease, but it worries me because 30+ points doesn't sound too gradual to me. It should be around 120-160 starting around week 12. There is little information I can find (medical info, not chat forums) about week 10.5 heartrate normalcies. I called the ob's office and the nurse said it was a good heartrate, they look for anything over 120. But why do I have this feeling of fear? I know with my history this is normal and most RPLers go through this, but I can't help but think back to October 09 when I called the doctor to tell them I was concerned that my symptoms disappeared around 10 weeks. They said this was normal, I was at the end of the first trimester and not to worry. 3 weeks later, we realized there had not been any growth since 2 days after our last appt at 9 weeks.

I am heading to prenatal yoga in a couple of hours and I hope to shake off some of this anxiety and try to relax and trust in Jesus. Please pray for our appointment on Monday afternoon.

27 comments:

  1. Prayers abound for you and your baby! Sometimes pregancy is full of joy and wonder, but for me it was hard to not the worry and fear smother the joy. Keep us updated and know you and your sweet little one are being covered in prayer!

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  2. Oh my dear Allie, I have been thinking about you and praying for you so often! I hope God pours PEACE into your heart and lets you enjoy, yes, I said enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest and that the anxiety will cease. One of my favorite saints for asking for assistance with anxiety is St. Alphonsus Liguori, I will ask him to intercede for you. God Bless you my dear Allie and I will call soon!

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  3. Think of poor me - no symptoms EVER.
    Seriously, not one til labor started.

    LOL!

    You're right, every pg is different. You're in my prayers. Hang in there.

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  4. Oh, I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much anxiety. Fear is normal in any pregnancy, but do not let Satan use the fear! Didn't your doctor say you can come in every week for an ultrasound? Can you go next week just to alleviate your fears?

    From John 14:27- (Jesus is talking) "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you....Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

    That's my prayer for you this weekend!

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  5. Allie, I am praying that the anxiety will subside. I can not imagine how difficult this must be-Let go and Let God!! I know that is hard. I agree with Perfect Power, Satan loves to get into our heads/hearts and mess around and let us doubt the Wonderful Love and Mercy of Our Lord!!! IF you can, try to say the divine mercy chaplet at 3pm today or tomorrow. I think it could help!

    I am praying for you and baby~

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  6. Everyone is so different....One pound, don't make me drive to your house and beat you! hahahaha I'm praying you pack it on at the end. I'm evil, I know. On monday I'm going to bring you a sonic blast with extra m&ms and I pray to god I don't eatit before I get to you! hahaha

    I really understand your fear....It's sooooo hard especially given your history.

    Praying for you and the baby...

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  7. Once when my daughter was 12 yrs old, I was telling an older black woman I knew about how concerned I was about her as she entered her teen years & about all the bad stuff I knew could happen to her etc. That wonderful lady looked me in the eye & asked, "Have you ever had any trouble out of her?" I said, "No." She said, "Well, don't borrow it."
    I never did have any "trouble" out of her or her brother. So, even though that comment felt like someone throwing cold water on my face, it helped me.

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  8. PS... I tagged you in the Why I Love Jesus meme!
    http://www.zealforyourhouseconsumesme.com/2011/04/why-i-love-jesus-meme.html

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  9. I'm just so sorry for your fear, and believe me I know about analyzing every symptom, every result. I'll be praying for peace and strength for you.

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  10. Oh, I am praying for you. I too have been through this (with my 3rd baby - I can't get over it)
    Here are a few things that MAY make you feel better:
    Thing peak at 10 weeks - so some people don't feel as sick or have as sore of boobs after week 9-10
    My baby's Heart beat was always that high. I flipped out and was told that a high one is ok, it's when it drops really low (below 120 at your point that is it bad.
    I am 36 weeks and my baby's heartbeat is still 175. She is just fine.
    I hope for you peace. I too really struggle with worry and fear in life and I kept giving myself mile markers in a pregnancy when I would feel better - see a heartbeat, 2nd trim, 20 week, kicks---and on and on. Truth us, after losing babies, I haven't settled down-I am just going to be like this until she is in my arms and safe.
    I will pray for your peace of mind and your baby. There is nothing the matter with you. It is hard, but look at how much you love your baby and what a wonderful mommy you already are! What a lucky and blessed child!

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  11. I know that fear, Allie. Different type- but fear of loss all the same. With fertility, failed adoptions, miscarriages you just come to expect loss, so it's only natural. Praying for your armor of God and shield of faith against the enemy's attack. Love you, sweet prayer buddy!!!!

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  12. You're totally right. Every pregnancy and body is different. Prayers for a healthy term!

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  13. I hope you are feeling strong b.c we are praying praying praying for you Allie!!!! I am praying for your strength and the health of that sweet baby growing inside:) Since going to daily mass my anxiety really has subsided alot...is it possible for you to maybe be able to do this??? If not, it's totally ok. I am going and praying for you friend:)

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  14. Prayers for your anxiety!

    My doc told me that a heart rate between 120-160 was completely normal, so I think that 142 is completely fine! I was worried when mine was 163 because I thought it was too high :) Oh, the little things we worry about...

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  15. It makes me sad that fear and anxiety and sadness seem to mark every step of this journey. Praying for peace for you.

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  16. allie: estoy rezando por ti y tu bebe. Es perfectamente entendible que te sientas con ansiedad debido a tu historia, pero ahora estas bajo los cuidados correctos asi que no es igual que antes. un gran abrazo y seguiremos rezando por ti.

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  17. I can empathize with your anxiety. Praying that you can remain calm.

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  18. praying for you!!! Totally understand the anxiety and worry - you're a mom, it's normal to worry about your baby! - do what you have to do to feel better, whether it's constantly asking questions, getting another ultrasound, etc!...
    Really praying things continue going well for you and that your anxiety can subside soooon!!!! HUGS!!!!!
    oh ps - I am almost 10 weeks and I have lost about 4 pounds since the beginning (lost 5, gained 1 back) - I hope this helps you calm a bit about the weight thing!

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  19. Praise God!! I am so glad to hear that things went well at your appointment and that the baby is still doing well. Having lost 4 babies during the first trimester as well myself, I know the anxiety you are going through. I am praying for you now and will keep you in my prayers.... I pray that you will know joy during this pregnancy without the heavy weight of anxiety and worry.

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  20. Oh, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so much anxiety. I do understand. I've suffered a lot of anxiety too. But thankfully with this pregnancy, I've had a lot of peace (for the most part). I'll be praying for you. And I look forward to your next update.
    I was so excited when you left a comment and told me that you go to Dr. K!! I do LOVE him!! He's wonderful! I haven't been driving there for my u/s, though. It's a 4 hour drive. So I get my check ups at my regular ob's office, and then they fax everything to him. He has been great! i'm glad you found me! I look forward to following your journey!

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  21. I know I'm late in responding- haven't been spending a lot of time online or on the blogs BUT I have been praying for you. I've given up trying to figure out my pregnancy- no symptoms to really talk about except fatigue- I just wish I could be nauseous once! I am praying we can both take it one day at a time. I am on u/s every two weeks now-
    Allie- lots of prayers coming your way!!!

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  22. So happy for you and will continue to pray for your anxiety to diminish. :)

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  23. I'm still just over the moon excited for you! Continued prayers and love to you and your baby!

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