Tuesday, June 28, 2011

BM having a change of heart?

I hate to write about my sadness I am feeling right now when so many of you out there would do anything to be pregnant or have a possible adoption in the wings, and God has blessed us with both opportunities these past few months. But I am terrified the BM is backing off and possibly changing her mind.

I have been trying to be as guarded as I possibly can about the adoption, but my mind races and I start thinking ahead, and before you know it we had bought two matching cribs and put them up in the nursery. A little presumptious I know, but things were going so well or so we thought.

While we were at the beach L (BM) emailed us and told us the results of her 5 month appointment and that she found out the sex of the baby. She said if we wanted to know just email her and she would write back right away and tell us. She was in good health, enjoying her summer break with friends - swimming and resting. She said she would send the ultrasound picture to the lawyer's office again like the first so we could see the baby.

I didn't write back right away. 1) Because I usually don't write for a week or several days. I don't want to get in the habit of constant emailing then after the adoption slow it down and 2)I didn't want to be tempted to open her response without Blake who had to leave the beach mid - week to go back to work. I wanted to relish the news together so I wrote her the following week after my appointment. Like I said, I usually wait a week to write her back BUT SHE ALWAYS EMAILS WITHIN A COUPLE OR FEW DAYS. Today marks 2 weeks without any news.

So I wrote her again today saying that I hope you are doing well and that I only wanted to check on you. I don't know if you are busy with friends and resting, maybe you haven't been able to get to a computer lately, or maybe you are struggling with the decision of adoption. I don't understand what you are going through and I can't imagine the difficulty you face trying to make this decision, but only know that we pray for you and the baby every single day and whatever decision you may make. Please write me when you can and let me know how you are.

Our lawyer called me right after her last email and said we needed to get started on the home study and sit down with L, her parents, her guardian ad litem, himself, and us for a meeting and try to get as much done as possible before the birth of the baby since we are due so very close to each other. I emailed him last week asking about the date of this meeting and if he had talked to her recently. He said the meeting will be after the 4th of July with the "POSSIBLE" guardian ad litem lawyer and ignored my question of L. This leads me to believe that she is having a change of heart. The word possible was never mentioned before.

I know God knows what is best for us, but I certainly can't help my heart from breaking a little at the thought of what could be in store for us next. I only can pray that God help her to make the best decision for herself and the baby and for us to be open and ready for his plan.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Blogger Meet Up and 20 week ultrasound

While on vacation with my family in Fort Morgan, Alabama last week, I had the lovely pleasure of meeting up with Lauren and Abigail from Magnify the Lord!! We had planned to meet up for a day at the beach, but poor Abigail had a slight fever the night before so we decided to meet about halfway for breakfast the next day. They are both so cute and full of life - so fun to be around. Abigail let me hold her and her chunky legs are about the cutest I have seen :) It is always so much fun to meet other bloggers IRL especially when they are as enjoyable as Lauren and Abigail.

We had such an awesome time at the beach, as we always do. All but one of my brothers and sister came with their spouses and children. My parents and all of us stayed in one house across from the beach and DH and I laughed saying this will be the last relaxing beach vacation for a while, God willing, so we totally did nothing but relax 7 hours a day on the beach, in the water, or under the shade. I wish we lived closer to the ocean!

Our appointment yesterday went really well! I was a little nervous going in since we haven't had an ultrasound since the accident and the tech was the same on who scanned our baby at 14 weeks and found no heartbeat, but as soon as she put the wand on my belly I could see the beating heart and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. She couldn't see a couple things very well and she said this is no big deal, it happens often it only means we get another ultrasound next month :) We saw two arms, two legs, 4 chambers of the heart, fingers, everything except his or her little sex organs. She told us to look away when she did the lower body scan, but DH tried to peek at one point and he said he saw some little boy parts. I told him if he saw that easily in those 2 seconds, he needs to go to sonagram school! He was DYING, LITERALLY DYING to see the sex, so I finally relented and we emailed the birthmom back and told her we changed our minds, we want to know the sex of the baby - compromise - we will know the sex of one! My ob brought in a circumsision form to fill out and I freaked out but she said everyone has to sign this form, whether they scanned a girl or a boy.
Is this true?? Did you girl mommies have to sign this form?
We are meeing with our lawyer, the birthmom's "lawyer ad litem", and the birthmom sometime within this month. I am a NERVOUS WRECK!! Emailing weekly is one thing, but meeting in person is another. I am calling this week to schedule the home study (we do have to have an active home study to adopt), and we are working on the nursery and going to paint this weekend. Mom and I cleaned out closets, changed out the office into the start of a nursery, and the spare bedroom into a bedroom/office. I still have much cleaning and re-organizing to do. Missionaries of Charity camp starts next week, but my ob suggested just helping with the Bible camp, not the indoor pool field trips due to the heavy chlorine in the air. I am busier during my vacation than I am when working!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Adoption and Pregnancy Update

I have been MIA lately from the blog world, so much has been going on in our lives the past month or so. After the wreck, every free minute I had was spend googling cars and trying to find and sort out features of different cars. I LOVED my CR-V, but if we are going to have 2 babies in October, I knew we needed a little more room. After an exhuasted few weeks, we finally found an awesome deal on a used Honda Pilot about an hour and a half away. There is more than enough room, leather seats, navigation, etc., and I am in love with our new ride :) Once I finally had the car business figured out, I had to finish up grades for the year and clean out my classroom. Any teachers out there can sympathize with me about the stress of year end details of school. Our last day was Tuesday, and it couldn't have come soon enough!

I am really showing now - the belly literally popped out about 2 weeks ago, overnight. I didn't want to share with my students about this pregnancy. Telling them about the miscarriages in the past was almost too much to bear, and I want to be knee-deep in the pregnancy when they find out. THey will be surprised in August when I have a big belly, right? Several of my students in 7th and 8th grade started asking the teachers if I was pregnant and they just played dumb and said to ask me, but none asked me. One 7th grader, who is one of my favorites, said to th 7th grade teacher, "I have to ask you a question, but I am not really sure how to word it. Do you know if Mrs. Baskin is pregnant again, or is she just gaining weight?" LOLOLOL! My friend told him to ask me that question, but he replied, "I can't, because if she is not pregnant, I don't want to hurt her feelings." God love him...

Our baby started moving last week. (Or rather, I started feeling him/her move last week). I had just left 8th grade celebration and was downing some Wendy's when I felt a muscle spasm or sweep across my lower abdomen. I freaked out when I realized what it was, and everyday since then I look forward to feeling the movement and praising God for the miracle of life growing within me. I still can't believe I am in this stage of pregnancy: 19 weeks this Saturday, feeling movement daily, really showing now - not just looking like I ate one burger too much! I am also swelling alot in my ankles and lower legs even though I am walking, yoga, or on the eliptical 5-6 days a week and drinking a TON of water. My OB said this is normal in the south when it is so very hot and humid, but any ideas on how to avoid this swelling?????

The birthmom emailed me a picture of herself, she is so adorable and tiny, and YOUNG...We pray for her everyday, and pray to God that his will be done, but I find myself getting more and more wrapped up in this baby and the possibility of "twins". I try to keep a distance emotionally because I know she could change her mind, but I find myself looking at twin strollers, figuring costs of twin bedding and cribs, car seat, a home nanny, etc. She told our lawyer friend she is 100% sure, but I know there is still a chance she can change her mind. I called the county's social worker about a homestudy as well as the local Bethany office. The state social worker said she is almost 100% sure that the state of MS does not require home studies for private adoptions, and that we would just go before the judge with out lawyers and the papers signed and he could request one, but more than likely when all parties are willing and there are no issues, that is waived. Ever heard of this ???

She left her last ultrasound picture for us at our lawyer's office, and I couldn't leave school fast enough to pick it up. She has her 20 week major ultrasound tomorrow, and I can't wait for the email describing every detail, including the sex of the baby. We are not going to find out the sex of the baby I am carrying, but we want to know this one!!! I have suggested several times in email about the importance of her receiving some good counseling, but she never writes anything back to me about it. I told her I will find a Spanish speaking counselor, pay for it, whatever she needs, but she ignores this request. I know how important counseling is in this situation and I pray to God she will agree to go very soon.

I print every email out both from her and to her as well as the pictures and I am so excited that we will have all this correspondence for the baby to have from his/her birthmom in the future. We will have ultrasound pictures, details of her pregnancy, everything our birth child will have. It will be such an amazing blessing to have both, and such a testament to the power of God and miraculous waters of Lourdes if we are blessed with both babies in October.

I found out I will have to have a C-section due to my fibroid myomectemy possibly leaving my uterus weakened. The dd will be around October 21, and she is due on October 15! Seriously twins, God willing...

We leave for the beach tomorrow and I CAN'T WAIT!!!! Lauren, email your number so we can plan for a meet up, Awaiting, you too:)
So, advice on keeping swelling at bay?
Can adoptions be completed without a home study?