Friday, February 25, 2011

Quick Takes

1. This picture is of my neices and nephews minus one, who had already fallen asleep, last weekend at my house for a pizza party. What a fun, chaotic night that was! The oldest and youngest neice spent the night and we slept on the pullout sofa together and had pancakes on Saturday.

2. I mailed our paperwork (preliminary app) to Abrazo Adoption Associates in San Antonio, TX on Tuesday!

3. The orientation weekend required for new parents is March 18 and 19 and another one is not until the end of June so I hope we know something in the next week so we can book a flight :)

4. My 6-8 grades students have just learned to speak in the future in Spanish, and I am sooooo proud.

5. I just bought another medal for my necklace (St. Catherine) and now have 5. Mom says if I fall into a lake I may drown -haha

6. I am using one of the yoga passes my sister gave my for my birthday today at Midtown Yoga and I am excited! My gym quit offering classes and I have really missed it.

7. If anyone of you reading this has a iphone and is as addicted as I am to WORDS WITH FRIENDS, please search for me under AllieBaskin and let's start playing together!

Monday, February 14, 2011

The very best February 12 in a long time....

Saturday was my 36th birthday, and it was fabulous. I was spoiled T rotten by so many people and I relished every little bit of it :)

This is the first birthday is 3 years I haven't been:
A) going through a miscarraige or
B)hearing from a doctor that I was more than likely going to miscarry

And we got the letter from my RE on Saturday morning, what a present it was!! It states that "it is very unlikely that I will ever deliver to term". I was so estatic to recieve the letter and thought to myself, "I never would have thought in a million years I could ever be skipping to these words! We are ready to apply with Abrazo now. I hope to have the application finished and mailed by Friday. (the pre-application actually and they will look it over and send the real application a few weeks later)

So just the fact that I didn't have to go through any of that this year was a welcome birthday present. My husband had a bubble bath running for me in a bathroom lit by candlelight and glass of wine poured on Friday when I got home from the Parent's Appreciation Dinner at my school. He knew it was a long day and that bath really took it all away....

Saturday my best friend came in town for my birthday from Little Rock. Mom, DH, and I went to a special annual healing mass at St. Ann's and we were all annointed and layed on of hands. There was a song version of Divine Mercy which was so very beautiful and the bishop presided over the mass which is nice, we rarely see him celebrate the mass. We had breakfast at Cracker Barrell and went home to get ready for dinnner. My sis, BIL, other best friend, DH, and myself went to eat sushi and see a movie. I was showered with such great gifts: yoga passes and yoga clothes, Glee season one, a photo book of Lourdes and Fatima from my friend with whom I went, Mary and Jesus statuette, new chain for my medals, pearl necklace, and some cash :)

I feel like a fattened calf before the slaughter.

The family birthday at mom's I almost couldn't breathe I ate so much. Have you ever had chicken tetrazinni from scratch? I can't put into words the deliciousness of that recipe. I have it every year and really was a glutton this year. We had caramel cake, salad, asparagus, and a couple glasses of champagne.

And now today I have student after student bringing me candy and treats for Valentines Day. I need an enema and detox diet asap, but we have dinner for my birthday at my inlaws tonight (fried chicken, fried okra, etc) I need to eat broth the rest of the week and do power hot yoga 3 hours of every day!

Happy Valentines to you all! DH and I exchanged cards this morning at 6:30 and are going to get a memorial tree to reminds us of our sweet babies this weekend since the weather is supposed to be so nice. I think we decided on a red bud, so gorgeous in early spring.

What did you exchange with your sweet DH?

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Happiness and Bitter Honesty


Yes, for the first time in a very, very long time - a year and a half - I am truly happy. And I don't mean I have had a good day here and there or even a good few days. I have had a good couple of weeks!!! I am crying tears of joy as I type this is realizing the amazing healing power of GOD. Maybe the Lourdes water will not heal my broken womb, and for the first time, I am totally OK with that. I think the water has healed my broken spirit and mind, and that to me is worth so much more! Feeling the way I have for the past couple weeks, I feel like I can go through anything with better focus, clarity, and hope for the future!

This is not to say that I will not be devastated if we suffer another miscarriage, but I have the tools to suffer it better now. Christ has strengthened me in such ways and healed my poor fragile and beaten spirit. I am so very grateful and pray this feeling never leaves me. I feel like my emotional health has been to rehab and back, like I have been vacumned out, and restuffed with rainbows (and no, I am not on any type of medication, lol!)

I know the fact that DH has finally consented to adoption has made all the difference. The meeting with the adoption lawyer solidified our journey last Thursday and although I was shaking like an addict in detox the whole meeting because it was finally so real to me, I was undeniably happy! The fact that we are pursuing adoption GUARENTEES us the baby we so long for. In the past I knew that each subsequent pregnancy had a smaller chance of making it so each dream of becoming a mother became smaller and smaller as well. Now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will be a mother and this makes me incredibly happy! It is a GUARENTEE, do you hear me?! :)

I had a luncheon yesterday with my support group, Crossheart Ministries, and the picture is part of the way they honored our babies. It is so AWESOME to get together and talk to women who have lost babies and are trying to rebuild strength. This month at the meeting I hardly cried, and normally I am a blubbering mess. One of the women from the group told me I seemed to be doing really well, and said she had been nervous to tell me she was pregnant but since I seemed so much better.....I hugged her with all my strength and for the first time in awhile, I felt truly happy for her. I remember when Ann announced her pregnancy I was so happy for them, and it has honestly been that long since I have felt genuinely happy for someone else.

I am going to be brutally honest here. I know you will probably think I am awful, horrible, and more, but I told Fr. H in confession yesterday that it was the first time someone announced they were pregnant and I didn't get a vomit heat rising sensation in my stomach and step outside myself and see myself having a melt down screaming, kicking, crying. I know so many people are really happy for others pregnancies in spite of their own problems, but I WAS NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. I was the insanely jealous, trying desperately to hide my immense sadness and envy woman. I am ashamed at the way I felt, and tried - I mean really, really tried to work through these feelings and change, but I coundn't.

Now that I know we WILL have a baby, I don't feel that way anymore.

God, thank you for changing my husband's heart to accept the miracle of adoption which in turn has changed my heart as well!