I met again with my new RE (in the same office) to finish up some final tests. I had read JBTC email earlier and recognized that lonely feeling all too well. One day everything is fine, I am enjoying a beautiful day with family, DH, or friends, and for no reason at all, I begin to feel incredibly lonely and depressed. It comes with no warning, and seems like more often lately. I think I never properly grieved this last m/c because school was starting, I was busy, and it all happened so suddenly too. Well, it seems I am experiencing delayed greiving the past week or so. But like I always say....This too shall pass.
Here are my latest test results. PLease feel free to comment what you think about them. So far all the testing I have had done has been normal or above average for my age (35) and still.......they cannot find a reason why I cannot keep our babies. I am so desperately wanting to go see Dr. KK, but I don't now what I would do if she suggested one of the treatments that we cannot afford (or we could afford and could not adopt if the pregnancy didn't progress again). Here are the latest results:
prenatal screen - normal
chlamydia - negative
AMH - 2.9
LH - 4.21
FSH - 5.5
Estradiol - 23
Follicles on CD3 - 13(left ovary) and 15 (right ovary)
I go for another hysterosonagram tomorrow at 11:30, even though I told them the m/c IS NOT DUE to fibroids or polyp. I had a HSG in May which revealed a polyp I then had removed via hysteroscopy and the fibroids were removed 2 years ago. This new RE is very very thorough and said he wanted it done again anyway. So off I go, also to have my anti-philosphid antibodies checked again. It has been almost a year since it was checked and 2 m/c ago so I figured it wouldn't hurt. I know alot of people are negative for it, but after subsequent pregnancies or m/c it can pop up. That would be so great if we could find a dang cause - it is so horrible that I am begging and wanting to find something wrong with me. Maybe God is wanting a miracle to be worked within me in Lourdes. Lord, bring it on!!!!
I'm so sorry Allie! always praying for you, I hope you can get an answer and a new way to address the problem so your next pregnancy will be successful!
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid that most of those numbers don't mean much to me, except that your FSH is much lower than mine was at the ripe old age of 24. I think if we combined all us infertile girls together, we could get half a dozen full sets of working reproductive systems. And then we could take turns with the full working set, and every couple of years each girl could have a baby...I think this would be a good system. Somebody should implement it.
ReplyDeleteOh Allie. I've been praying so hard for you- and for this very intention with the Novena. Thanks for your great email- will answer in depth soon. I want to be able to take some time for it- you know how that goes!! Praying for you, friend.
ReplyDeleteYour FSH is good, lower than mine. Is that E2 from day 3?
ReplyDeleteYour concerns about the Kwak protocol are valid. Not a lot of people would understand, but you worry about putting yourself in a position where you cannot afford the recommened treatment, and then worrying (if) you do miscarry again, that is all because you couldn't throw enough $ at the problem. I'm right there with you and dealing with insurance and all that jazz. Oh, and the same fears about it depleting adoption funds. Believe me, if I had any good advice, I would be taking it myself ;) Dr. G eamiled me a long time ago and suggested I at least go and get the testing done, even if I decided not to pursue the treatment, I would have a few more answers. That's where I'm at right now.
God bless!
Your numbers are excellent. I have to tell you that my opinion is: you need to see Dr. K-K. There are 5 dimesions that she will look into. I also believe when we move forward (just like on adoption) funding and options open up for us. I took her full immune protocol and it worked. That is the ONLY reason I have a healthy baby in my arms today. And, I had a totally healthy pregnancy as well (placenta stayed perfect full term). I did have to get a prior approval for the IVIG dosages. But, it was eventually covered. And, it took me literally 20 days to do this. Not bad, when you have waited 10 years and have lost 5 children. AND, Dr. Kwak takes insurance!!! She also charges NOTHING to monitor your entire pregnancy. Her testing is essential to get the answers you need.
ReplyDeleteI did find out about my last miscarriage, Allie. My baby had Down's Syndrome, trisomy 21. It was the cause of my miscarriage. We named our little angel Alexandra Marie. I ALSO FOUND THAT DARN book I was looking for for you!
ReplyDeletePlease send me your address again so I can mail it to you! Love in Christ My Dear Sister, You are so brave, so amazing in so many ways.
I'm still praying you find the answers you're looking for!
ReplyDeleteOh Allie, I'm so sorry for all you are going through. You are so strong. I hope you get your Lourdes miracle too!
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you, dear Allie!
ReplyDeleteIf you decide to go see Dr. K-K, you have a place to stay. We live 30 minutes outside Chic.ago via the Metra.
ReplyDeleteAwe sweet Allie, I'm sorry. Keep that head up though. We all know that God works in wondrous ways so keep living His will and trusting. hugs
ReplyDeleteI love, love, love your attitude at the end about going to Lourdes - BRING IT ON!! And if you even think about going to Chicago, I hope we can arrange a meeting - 6 hours is NOT too far away for some Allie time! :) I wish you lived closer, you are such a breath of joy and life!
ReplyDeletePraying for you. I don't have any advice, but I love your attitude about Lourdes.
ReplyDeleteyour labs are good. I haven't been following for very long so i'm not sure if you and your husband have had karyotypes but that would be something else to consider. The other labs you list are good.
ReplyDeleteI have mixed feelings on Dr KK from a provider's, not patient's perspective. i wish you the best.
I wish I had something to offer, but yet again, we are following the same path. My numbers for everything look good too (esp for an old lady like me!), but that only adds to the frustration. I'll keep hoping and praying for you!
ReplyDeleteHow did the hysto go?
ReplyDelete